I think i sorta joined a cult last night
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
time to smoke my breakfast
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
