so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
