The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
