sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
