Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
