Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
