I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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