If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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