In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
