I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
