one might say we're banned from that church
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Shitshow foam night was such a success
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
