i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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