ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
