i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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