Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
