Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
