I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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