This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
