am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
