Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Just pee around me
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
