I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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