at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
