roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
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