Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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