just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
This baby is an asshole
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
