You're so nebulous sometimes
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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