Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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