We named our party play list daddy issues
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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