Hey man sorry I got all grabby
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Randomize
