Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
