You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
