hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
