whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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