Who wears a wallet chain?!
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
How does one acquire holy water?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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