the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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