Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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