you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
