It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
