He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
