mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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