i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
