so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Naked. naked and bneed help.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
