I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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