apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
