Pants 0. Shit 1.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
