why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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