We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Come on in and take your pants off
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