Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
