There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
