If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
