is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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