false alarm. still invincible.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
